Everybody Loves Zexion
by The Cloaked Schemer
Summary: A stupid story involving poor little Zexion getting attacked by most of the Organization who seem to suddenly be in love with him. D: Poor guy. I wonder why every one is suddenly spreading the love? :o There will be a serious pairing in later chapters.
1. Wake Up Call

Okay, so don't even ask how this fic started. xD I think it was originally going to be something about Zexion in the library being angsty, and now it kind of some how ended up a big parody thing. Poor Zexy. D: So, um, yeah. On with the story?

* * *

Zexion was woken abruptly from his deep sleep by the sound of some one attempting to break down his bedroom door. The noise made his eyes shoot open, but he closed them again after sniffing the air and realized it was just Lexaeus being his usual annoying self.

Actually, Lexaeus wasn't usually annoying. He was usually in his room training, and leaving the rest of the Organization's member alone. So why was he trying to break down Zexion's door this morning?

It was probably a very good idea to find out. So Zexion quickly pulled himself out of bed, or as quickly as he could, being so tired and all. That bed was really warm and comfy, you know, and getting out and realizing how cold the castle was for some one wearing nothing but black silk pajama pants made him want to get right back in. He mentally cursed Lexaeus for forcing him out of bed so early.

"WHAT?" he screamed, slamming his door open to reveal the vile orange-haired muscular being, only to get hit on the head witha fist. Already angry enough, he turned his head to the side, closed his eyes and took a deep breathe in, and slowly exhaled, then turned back to Lexaeus with his eyes open in a slight glare, though he was much calmer than before. "Please never do that again, or I'll be forced to throw you off a cliff. Thank you. Now what is it that you want?"

"Uh... well... uh... I just wanted to... um..." Lexaeus stuttered in his deep, retarded-sounding voice. He was obviously very nervous. His hands were very fidgety, and his eyes were darting around, his eyebrows slanted to give him a worried look. "Um..."

"Out with it already!" Our sexy protagonist was getting angry with this Nobody who had forced him out of his comfortable bed, only to hit him on the head, then stutter nervously while Zexion stood by the door wishing he had a shirt to cover his slightly muscular torso and arms. The Castle That Never Was was a very cold place, you know.

"Uh... ZexionIloveyou." The slightly retarded muscle man whispered so quietly and quickly that Zexion had barely heard him, but he was still sure of what he had heard. The big oaf had just proclaimed his love to him. Ha. The poor thing probably didn't even know the meaning of what he had just said. This thought made him forget how cold and tired he was, and start laughing until he was out of breath.

"You're kidding?" He asked, raising his eyebrows slightly and still laughing silently. More incoherent babbling came from the big oaf, and Zexion shut the door in his face, shaking his head and walking back across the room in to his king-sized silver-blue bed, and crawling under the warm blankets, quickly falling back asleep before Lexaeus had had any time at all to realize he had been rejected.

Just as Zexion fell asleep, he thought for a moment he could hear quiet giggles coming from somewhere above.

* * *

Um. Yes. I am insane, why do you ask? xD And no, this is not a Lexaeus/Zexion story, I promise. Notice the giggles. By the way, this is going to be a pretty long fic, and I think I'm actually going to finish it this time. xD I have my new best friend Kiira (penname Luxord because she loves him to death. xD) to keep me motivated to finish this. Woo. I have quite a few chapters planned.. lots of Zexion lovin'. Yay. Any way.. um.. bye.


	2. Zero Gravity

Oh good. A much longer chapter. w00t. I think the rest are going to be about this size.

Thanks for the reviews, guys! I love you all! Five on the first chapter, with no flames. I think that's the best I've ever done. Thank you.

Disclaimer because I totally forgot one in the first chapter (Oops). The Organization belongs to Tetsuya Nomura, Square Enix, and Disney. I don't own them. But Zexion does own me. ;D

* * *

Zexion awoke a few hours later, well-rested, as a sexy protagonist should be at the beginning of a story. He slowly sat up and turned so that his legs were hanging over the side of the fluffy ice blue bed at the back of his bedroom. He sat in this position for a moment, thinking about the events that had taken place before he had fallen back to sleep.

"_ZexionIloveyou." _

The jumbled words rang through the lavender-haired Nobody's mind, and he suddenly realized that Lexaeus might have actually meant it, and he wondered if he should go find him and talk to him about it.

Actually, that was a great idea. He'd probably end the conversation in, "Well, my large marshmallow of a friend, I really don't like you, even as a friend, so good day, good life, and good-bye."

That was actually a pretty good line. He'd have to use it when he found the big oaf.

Grinning at his ingenuity, he stood up and headed towards his door, only to turn around and head towards the dresser in far corner of his room after realizing he still had no shirt, let alone an Organization uniform.

He opened the top drawer of the dresser, labeled with a fancy number one (the other drawers were labeled numbers two to seven, respectively), and pulled out the neatly folded black pants, shirt, cloak, and boots. Yes, he keeps boots in a drawer. Shush. Stripping off the black silk pajama pants, he pulled on his uniform, and zipped up the odd zipper that zipped down instead of up on the cloak. That zipper is way cool, by the way.

Turning to the mirror beside the dresser, he checked to make sure his hair was perfect, pulling a few strands over from where they shouldn't have been, and walked towards the door taking a deep breath. He was about to tell a man with an IQ of 13.37 that he hates him. What an interesting day this was going to be. Of course, the day would be much more interesting than what the sexy lavender-haired Nobody expected, but he didn't know that yet.

Arriving at the door, he pulled it open and turned down the hallway to the left. Being at a lower ranking in the Organization than Lexaeus, his room was about six feet farther from the door leading to the main hallway. Zexion took a quick second to rethink his decision, then glided nervously towards the door bearing a large V and knocked on it. He waited a moment, but there was no answer. He knocked one more time, then sighed in relief when the large man didn't come to the door. He quickly half-ran down the halfway to the door leading to the main wing, pulling the doors open, only to be confronted with an odd upside-down man with long gray-streaked hair in a ponytail, and a scar, eye patch and huge grin covering his face.

Zexion's eyes wandered up Xigbar's skinny figure to find that his feet were floating about an inch below the low ceiling of the hallway's entrance. Zexion took a moment to remember exactly how this old man had managed to float upside down like that, when he remembered that the Freeshooter controlled space, and therefore it was possible for him to do that. Now that's just unfair.

"Heeey, Zexy," the Freeshooter said, his grin growing larger.

"Not now, Xigbar, I'm a tad busy," Zexion glared and tried to step around the upside down man.

"With what?" Xigbar pouted, and he side-stepped in front of Zexion.

"Getting out of this hallway before Lexaeus realizes I knocked on his door. He told me he loved me this morning, you know. It was really rather creepy," Zexion quickly explained, stealing a glance behind him to make sure no one had followed.

"Seriously? That's really interesting. Y'know why?" Xigbar was grinning again.

Zexion really didn't have time for this nonsense, but he thought it would be best to just go along with the older man just so he could be let past. "Why?" he sighed.

Xigbar smiled sweetly, and cupped Zexion's face, who's one visible eye widened slightly. "Because I love you, too," the eye patched man said quietly and pulled the other man's face towards his for a Spiderman-style kiss. Zexion quickly pulled away and pushed past the upside down man, almost knocking him out of the air.

He turned quickly and whispered just loud enough for Xigbar to hear, "I have some where to be. Bye." then walked away as quickly as he could, with a very confused look on his face. He needed to go somewhere a little more secluded than the hallway, so he made a quick turn in to the bathroom down the hall, and hid under the sinks. Yes, the Castle That Never Was does indeed have public bathrooms down every hall. Shush.

As Zexion was running down the hall and hiding under a sink to think, back in the Hall of Bedrooms, five members of the Organization could be seen huddled in a small circle, whispering and laughing among themselves.


	3. Water Text

Many of you seem to be feeling bad for poor Lexaeus for being retarded. Well, I'd like to let you know that he isn't really. He just acts it around Zexion. ... For the purpose of the story? He's also not really a marshmallow. That's just an inside joke. Kiira and I are very evil to him. D:

* * *

Sitting under the sink pondering the odd events of that day wasn't helping Zexion's nerves very much. Two Nobodies confessed their love to him within the equivalent of an hour and fourteen and a half minutes he'd been awake that day. And on top of that, both Nobodies were men, one being a fifty-something-year-old surfer-dude pirate, the other a large retarded marshmallow.

Zexion was not one to get nervous or to actually feel (or pretend to feel) emotion at all. He usually wandered the castle apathetically, acting like a total square every time some one talked to him, just to get them away. He wasn't really a square, of course. He only pretended to be because he was anti-social. He was actually a really fun non-existent person inside his head. But since he was always a square on the outside, he couldn't seem to pinpoint the exact reason the two men loved him.

Oh wait. Obvious reasons.

His silky lavender hair; his glaring dark eye; his skinny, yet slightly muscular body; his overall sexiness. Yes, Zexion was a total bishie, and he knew it. This made him grin, and he became a little less nervous. But still nervous enough to stay under the sink.

And then suddenly, something interrupted his thoughts. The sink above him turned on by itself. He could hear the water running, and yet there was no person standing in front of it who could have turned it on. He also couldn't hear the water going down the drain. Zexion panicked and crawled out from underneath the sink, standing up and turning to look at it.

And there it was. The strangest thing he'd ever seen. The water coming out of the tap was defying gravity, and forming a sentence in midair, written in messy cursive. He thought he recognized it from some where, but he couldn't remember exactly where.

The water finished spelling out it's phrase, and Zexion finally decided to read it.

_Zexion, come find me. I need to tell you something. Demyx. _

That's where he'd seen it. Demyx wrote notes to him all the time, usually silly little things like, "You smell like poo." He didn't normally send them written in gravity-defying water, though. This must really be important.

Oh no. Not another one.

He'd have to avoid Demyx all day. And every one else. He had a feeling Demyx, Xigbar and Lexaeus weren't going to be the only ones confessing their love to him that day. Something must be up. Some kind of scheme put together by these three, and whoever else. Yes, that was it. So hiding must be a bad thing, then. He'd just have to stop hiding and--

SPLASH. The water-message fell to the ground, and Zexion was suddenly soaked.

...He'd just have to dry off, and _then _stop hiding and just go along with whatever prank they were planning until he thought of his own way to get back at them. Scheming was his specialty, you know. The Cloaked Schemer.

He'd have a few hours to hide in here and think while he was drying off, of course. He turned on the wall-mounted blow drier like the ones in public washrooms, sat down underneath it, and began to wait.

* * *

Sorry, it's going a bit slow. D: Hardly any thing happened this chapter, but I thought that would be a nice place to end it. So there you are. A short, stupid chapter. Dx


	4. Flower Power

Okay, so three things.

One. I changed my username. Woooo. It used to be Thorn Yokoshima, for those who don't know. The new one is based off of Zexion title.

Two. I'm sorry this is so late. I had writer's block, and then there was downtime, so I couldn't post it when I finished it. D:

Three. When I have writers block, I apparently start to turn a humor fic in to something too serious. I'm sorry about that. xD I was trying to do it, I swear.

* * *

Zexion finally left the washroom after two hours of hitting the button on the wall-mounted blow dryer every five minutes, and of sitting on the uncomfortably cold and hard metal floor of the Castle That Never Was. That floor was actually amazingly clean for a bathroom. There wasn't even any dust marks on his cloak. This made his mood rise quite a bit.

Upon opening the door, he quickly poked his head out to make sure no one was in the hallway. The coast was clear. He stepped full out in to the hallway, and began walking to the right as quickly, but as natural-appearing as possible.

Unexpectedly, he made it to the end of the hallway and through the door successfully without any one popping out of a ceiling vent, or any where else. Of course, he didn't manage to get through the hallway without some one running up behind him screaming his name and waving his hands in the air.

"...Hello, Marluxia," he said with a sigh, inwardly cursing himself.

"Hey. I heard you were looking for me the other day," the overly feminine man said seriously. He didn't sound nervous like the others. Maybe he wasn't going to do what Zexion thought he was going to do.

"Yes. I needed to talk to you about something I overheard Larxene say. Something about control over the Organization?" He quickly remembered, and glared daggers at Marluxia.

"Oh...uh..." Marluxia's eyes shifted around nervously. Then he seemed to come to a decision. "If you know so much, then I'm going to have to get rid of you." He extended his manicured hand, and the silhouette of a scythe appeared, then faded in to the full color pink scythe. Zexion glared at it. He'd always hated that thing. Why was a man fighting with a pink scythe and sakura petals? Whatever. That didn't matter now.

"Is that so? You'll beat me with your delightfully beautiful flowers? Aw," Zexion said coldly.

"Don't insult the flowers. They're awesome," Marluxia made a sad attempt at defending himself. When Zexion laughed, he swung the scythe's blade at the other Nobody's head. Zexion caught the handle and held it away, though struggling.

"The flowers are disgusting, woman." And just then the authoress decided this was getting a bit too serious, and wanted to stop writing like this but couldn't now that she brought out this plot... type... thing. Ack. I need to find a way to kill it. "Just go away. I'm having a bad day, alright? Having you hack at my head with your flowers is not going to make it better." Zexion placed his other hand on the scythe's handle and pushed it and it's wielder out of his way so he could walk past.

Marluxia's weapon disappeared in a flash of light, and Zexion had walked six feet closer to the edge of the hallway when the glaring man behind him spoke up as if he'd just remembered he had forgotten something important that he needed to say.

"Oh yeah, Zexion..." Quickened steps sounded from behind Zexion as he turned around and began to ask what the pink-loving man wanted. His thought was interrupted by a wave of surprise caused by the other man's face suddenly coming so close to his, and the feeling of Marluxia's soft lips on his cheek. He pulled away quickly.

"What is with every one today? Is this some kind of plot against me? If it is, why the hell are you doing it, any way? What did I do wrong, and why is your love such an insult!" Zexion half-screamed at his companion, who seemed to slowly be coming back to his senses, and grinning.

"What do you mean plot? I know nothing of this." He said with a grin that obviously meant he did know every thing about it.

"... Whatever. I know you guys are up to something, and I will find out what it is if it's the last thing I do!" Zexion shouted dramatically, then stomped away, going through the door at the end of the hallway and making sure it slammed extra hard when it closed.

* * *

Yeah. So I kind of made this a bit more serious than I wanted it, but that's okay. xD Writer's block makes me that way. D:

Uhm. To answer Earthpaw's question about whether or not it's a joke on Zexy, um..I don't know if I want to tell you yet or not. D: Oh well. I guess I will. It's mostly a joke, but one of them is serious. :o

And I have some questions. Is this getting really repetitive? Is this actually good, or is every one just being nice? Are my characters actually in character? Any one who answers gets pie.


End file.
